Who midwives the mother?
The importance of support in the motherhood continuum.
Who midwives the mother?
The basis of my work is the response to this very question. There is no reason that women should be experiencing the rates of postnatal depression that we are, but there is a huge reason (or a number of reasons). One of them is support, we do not have the support systems in place that families need, in fact modern life is very much anti-motherhood – let’s chat about that another time. There is an urgent need for deep-rooted care, attention, and intention when it comes to women in and through the childbearing continuum.
After a mother is birthed, who midwives her? Who leads her through the journey of rediscovery? Who supports her in grounding into her role? Who is there to witness the potential despair?
Because pregnancy and becoming a mother change us as women from the inside out, after babies are born or if there is a loss, we can never go back to the person we were before. Once we have been pregnant (regardless of the outcome), we are forever marked; we are forever changed. This fact seems to be forgotten in our modern world, and I am noticing it with all the women I work with.
It’s as though we forgot that the role of midwife was beyond just the birth of a baby. The midwives of times gone by were midwives of the soul, they supported women through the full spectrum of their lives and health from a holistic standpoint.
The etymology of the word midwife dates back to 1300, and its origin is “woman who is with.” I love this; it feels rich. A midwife was a woman who was with women, a guide and confidant who held a woman's hand and guided her to deeper aspects of herself. A midwife was not only a birth attendant but a life attendant.
Imagine that, a soul friend, midwife, therapist, or mentor to walk beside you through your biggest life initiations, through life’s highs and lows, through life’s challenges.
I hear you, where are these women? Do they exist?
I’m here to tell you they do! Hi, I’m Iysha, great to meet you.
I’m not for everyone, I might not be for you, but I might well be.
I think I’m like marmite – you’ll probably vibe with me or be like, erm what?
That’s great, either way, you do you!
Now, as I was saying…
After entering motherhood we can feel a degree of loneliness, loss, and confusion as we traverse the new ground we walk on following birthing babies, uncertain of why, or how, we may feel. This is often teamed with immense feelings of love, elation, and joy leaving us feeling even more confused. It’s as if there are so many parts of us all screaming out loud, all at once, looking for our attention, but the baby in our arms is the one who is taking all that time and attention (and rightly so).
Now I am not suggesting we give up all of who we were, but instead, how can we reckon with aspects of who we were, whilst we birth a new iteration of ourselves? There isn’t truly a simple answer, there is only inquiry, openness, desire, and forward motion. We may gaze into the eyes of our baby or child and for a while we can forget the feelings occurring inside of us, but if the calls are left unanswered we can begin to feel even more distant and lost.
We can explore the untrodden territory of the newness etched into our bones, or we can run away from the invitation. There is always a choice, but I do not promise for one minute that the invitation and call will not just get louder until there is no choice but to listen.
Motherhood is the ultimate spiritual practice.
Mothers are the future.
I will say these words until I am BLUE in the face. The truth is the more we are able to move into correct alignment with who and what we are meant to be, the more opportunity the world has to change.
I see two outcomes from the process of midwifing mothers; firstly, more content, grounded, witnessed, honoured, mothers that in turn leads me to secondly thriving families as the mother is feeling full and can show up for herself, children, and lover.
My own personal story left me feeling wholly torn apart, I had a number of important relationships break down, I was left with a serious back injury (unable to walk properly for several weeks), and I felt a whole array of mess. Then when I began to look at my journey, lean into the deep despair I felt, the stepping stones began to unfold before my eyes. There was no certainty, but there was some degree of hope.
As I began to untangle from my own experience, I realised, that no woman should go through what I went through, no woman should feel alone, all women and in turn, families deserve to be well-cared for, well-loved, and well-nourished on all levels.
This is my wish for all mothers.
If you need support, you can email me at info@animamaia.com